Photo: Jorge Alvariño
How often have you seen this:
Someone finishes their performance. Maybe it didn’t go as well as they’d hoped. The audience is applauding — as they usually do, whether someone has done well or poorly. The AK audience knows it’s about not only rewarding talent and success. Effort and intent are equally important.
At this point, all the performer has to do is say “Thank you” and leave.
Instead, s/he leans into the mic and says:
“I’M SORRY.”
Uggghhhhh! I could tear the hair out of my head when I hear those horrible words. Those words invalidate everything that’s just happened: not only the performance, but the audience’s reaction to it.
Saying, “I’m sorry” to an applauding audience is really saying, “No, you’re wrong. You people don’t know dick. Thanks for letting me waste your time. ”
If you really, truly sucked, everyone knows it. If you feel bad about your performance, everyone knows that too. If you’re filled with regret and self-loathing, it’s pretty hard to hide that as well. Remember, you’re on a stage. It’s not quite like a close-up in the movies, but people do see you. They get it.
What you don’t need to do is destroy everything you’ve tried so hard to create in those four minutes with a sappy apology or — even worse — an explanation. “You see, I was going to buy a special hat for this song but the stores were closed, so that’s why it didn’t work; I’m really sorry, with the hat it would’ve been better…”
Even worse is to apologize or explain before you’re even finished! When it happens in the middle of a performance, it’s like throwing cold water on the viewer. It’s awfully uncomfortable. That’s when it really does feel like your time is being wasted.
No one cares about your excuses. Every person in the club has their own problems. They come to the show to forget about them. Don’t add to their emotional baggage!
Be brave. Take a bow and then run to the bathroom and flush your head down the toilet. I’m not saying you have to lie, and act like you think it was great. Go ahead and look embarrassed if you are. Just don’t say those two words, please.
Or be ironic about it: yell out a big “THANK YOU!!”, as if you think it was the most excellent thing you’ve ever done in your life. Turn the shame into funny.
Then let it go. Don’t attach yourself to what you did if you’re just going to beat yourself up about it.
If you can’t let it go, then take advantage of the experience. Use it as a guide for what not to do next time.
Do something with the experience. Anything but apologizing and explaining.
Wiser words were never spoken. I almost always feel like I’ve bombed my performance but it’s always a good time; even without the hat.
That’s true, Jen; you can be your own worst critic. A lot of the time, no one even notices the things we think were so horrible about what we did. So why point it out to them?